You ever read a news story so ludicrous you are SURE it’s a prank, then you remember you live in 2024 and most of the news might possibly be an Onion story? Here’s the one that caught my eye this weekend. It’s from my own state of Massachusetts, in a town about two-thirds of the way from Boston towards Worcester. I’m pretty sure K2 had a soccer match there when he was younger.
I give you Article 45, from the Town Meeting Warrant on the Westborough website:
ARTICLE 45: Establish a “Townie Baby” award to encourage current residents of Westborough, who were born in Westborough, to start families and to have children. To see if the town will vote on a non-binding petition for the establishment of a taxpayer-funded award to encourage current residents of Westborough, who were born themselves in Westborough, to start families and have children. The award is $1000 per child. The intention and goal of the award is to encourage family creation by Westborough residents who were born here, with the over-arching goal of keeping cultural longevity of the common shared values of the community. Furthermore, this effort hopes to encourage local families to stay here, thus preserving the shared cultural and historic ‘memory’ of Westborough, its collective knowledge base, and its heritage.
Every dog in Massachusetts has its ears perked up listening to THAT racist dog-whistle. If the criteria is “you get $1000 if you were born in the town and your baby is born in town”, that means in all likelihood you’re talking about people (I’m assuming adults, which I know leaves out births to minors) ranging from 18-45 years old, ie born between 1979-2006. The 2000 census suggested the population was 86% white, higher than the state average. I can only assume the percentage got whiter as the years go back. Wikipedia says the most recent data suggests that percentage has dropped to about 70% white. What this all means is the people most likely to be “encouraged” to have babies and get paid for it are probably white.
“Keeping cultural longevity of the common shared values of the community” translates to “We want things to be like when it was when we was younger. When those other people weren’t so gatdammed MANY”. At least it does to me.
Now, I know this is a Town Meeting (a particularly New England style of government), and that anything that gets enough signatures ends up on the Warrant. I admit I ran out of time to find out exactly how many signatures were required in this town of ~20000 to get an Article onto the Warrant, but any amount seem concerning.
I originally was going to end this here. But then I started reading the Warrant and before we head to the Tops, here’s just a few more Articles on the same Warrant (Town Meeting scheduled for March 12th). To be clear, most are ordinary business issues that you’d expect — how to fund police and fire department spending, replacing the dump truck, etc. But then there’s this sampling...
ARTICLE 34: Removal of LGBTQ+ iconography from Westborough Schools (By Petition)Removal of lgbtq+ iconography from Westborough Schools. To see if the town will vote on a nonbinding petition to remove lgbtq+ iconography from Westborough Schools. Political organizationalmessages and/or social organizational movements flyers/ stickers/ iconography/ murals/ banners/ flags have no place in Westborough Schools.
[The Article Information begins “Room 39 at Gibbons Middle School is an outlandish example of the horrific indoctrination/ grooming occurring in Westborough schools...” and I’m not copying any more because they equate a pride flag with advertising for cigarettes and indoctrinating bad behaviour.]
ARTICLE 37: End Westborough Town and Schools’ Probable Future Mandates (By Petition) To see if the Town will vote on a non-binding petition to end Westborough town and schools' probablefuture mandates for vaccination, vaccine passports, masking, remote learning, social distancing, business closures and restricting access or take any other action thereon.
[Article Information begins “Five ethical objections to mandatory vaccination during COVID-19 pandemic,including that mandatory vaccination violates the Nuremberg Code...” and yeah, someone went there and I noped onto the next Article]
ARTICLE 39: Golf Club Preservation (By Petition) Golf Clubhouse Preservation. To see if the town will vote on a non-binding resolution to leave the golfclub building alone. Repair as needed, no heat pumps, no conversion of natural gas heating to electric, no electric rewiring for massive electric heating load, no need to worry about retrofitting the balloon walls at this time. Fix the few trouble spots where the roof is currently leaking from ice dams and such. Bring Civic Kitchen back or similar.
[You knew the Article Information would be bonkers, here you have the beginning: “There are those in authority positions in Westborough that feel compelled to electrify the town for "Climate Change" AKA "Zero Carbon" "Netzero" so in my opinion they feel the golf clubhouse must be destroyed to save it”.]
ARTICLE 43: Returning Public Library fireplace room to Community Use (By Petition) To see if the town will vote on a non-binding petition to have the Westborough Public Library return the front fireplace room to community use, or take any other action thereon. Teens are in school 180 days per year, 8-2:30pm, and this most welcoming location in our Public library should be returned to use for all.
[Ahh, get those kids offa my lawn library space (underlining mine)...Article Information: The Teen reading room was expanded last year to encompass the entire front entrance area of the library. Adults/Seniors have long enjoyed the front fireplace room to read periodicals and complete other work. While this lovely space with natural daylight has been adjacent to the Teen section for many year, many object that it has been taken away from the community for the exclusive use of the Teens. Signage currently states: “TEENS ONLY 6-12th Graders: While patrons of all ages are welcome to browse and check out materials from this Young Adult Collection, the use of tables and furniture with this room is exclusively for the use of teen patrons. [...]”
Taxpayers would like the new beanbag chairs, adjustable height stools, posters and signage relocated to another space for Teens and have the tables and proper chairs returned for adults. There is plenty of room in the library for the Teens to congregate and speak in hushed tones to one another like everyone else. If Teens would like to share the tables and chairs in the fireplace room, it should be on a space available basis.
The Westborough.gov site’s motto reads “Westborough – a vibrant, inclusive, safe, attractive, connected, and engaged community – for a lifetime.” Unless you’re not a townie, or are young, LGBTQ or believe climate change is real? Here’s hoping Westborough residents vote in a way that renders that motto true.
Anyway, let’s get to the Tops!!
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